by Stella James
Sometimes the most difficult things to write about are also the most essential. I feel this is especially true when many people, much more scholarly than oneself, have already said and written a lot around the issue, and yet your own experience does not seem to fit into the wide net that they’ve cast. Gandhi once said “I have something far more powerful than arguments, namely, experience”. And it is from these words that I derive what I consider the ‘value’ of this piece – not my experience per se, but from what I feel that my experience can tell us about much discussed issues in the country today.
Last December was momentous for the feminist movement in the country – almost an entire population seemed to rise up spontaneously against the violence on women, and the injustices of a seemingly apathetic government. In the strange irony of situations that our world is replete with, the protests were the backdrop of my own experience. In Delhi at that time, interning during the winter vacations of my final year in University, I dodged police barricades and fatigue to go to the assistance of a highly reputed, recently retired Supreme Court judge whom I was working under during my penultimate semester. For my supposed diligence, I was rewarded with sexual assault (not physically injurious, but nevertheless violating) from a man old enough to be my grandfather. I won’t go into the gory details, but suffice it to say that long after I’d left the room, the memory remained, in fact, still remains, with me.
So what bothered me about this incident? As a conditioned member of the society, I had quickly “gotten over” the incident. But was that what worried me: that I had accepted what was essentially an ‘unacceptable’ situation. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the crux of my unease lay in my inability to find a frame in which to talk, or even think, about my experience. While the incident affected me deeply, I felt little anger and almost no rancour towards the man; instead I was shocked and hurt that someone I respected so much would do something like this. My strongest reaction really, was overwhelming sadness. But this sort of response was new to me. That I could understand his actions and forgive him for them, or that I could continue to think of him as an essentially ‘good’ person, seemed a naïve position that were completely at odds with what I had come to accept was the “right” reaction to such incidents.
This emotional response was also completely at odds with the powerful feelings of righteous anger that the protestors in Delhi displayed. I am not trying to say that anger at the violence that women face is not a just or true response, but the polarization of women’s rights debates in India along with their intense emotionality, left me feeling that my only options were to either strongly condemn the judge or to betray my feminist principles. Perhaps this confusion came out of an inadequate understanding of feminist literature, but if so, isn’t then my skewed perception a failing of feminism itself? If the shared experiences of women cannot be easily understood through a feminist lens, then clearly there is a cognitive vacuum that feminism fails to fill. Feminists talk of the guilt a woman faces when sexually harassed, like it is her fault. I felt a similar guilt, except, my guilt wasn’t at being assaulted, but at not reacting more strongly than I did. The very perspective that was meant to help me make sense of my experiences as a woman was the one that obscured the resolution of the problem in my own mind, presumably an effect that feminism does not desire. And if not a result of feminist theory itself, the form that it has taken in India, especially after recent incidents of sexual assault, strengthened the feeling of “If you’re not with us, you’re against us” in a fight that I feel I can no longer take sides in.
All the talk during that time was of stricter punishment, of baying for the blood of “creepy” men. Five years of law school had taught me to look to the law for all solutions – even where I knew that the law was hopelessly inadequate – and my reluctance to wage a legal battle against the judge left me feeling cowardly. On reflection though, I cannot help but wonder why I should have felt that way. As mentioned earlier, I bore, and still bear, no real ill-will towards the man, and had no desire to put his life’s work and reputation in question. On the other hand, I felt I had a responsibility to ensure that other young girls were not put in a similar situation. But I have been unable to find a solution that allows that. Despite the heated public debates, despite a vast army of feminist vigilantes, despite new criminal laws and sexual harassment laws, I have not found closure. The lack of such an alternative led to my facing a crippling sense of intellectual and moral helplessness.
The incident is now a while behind me, and they say time heals all wounds. But during the most difficult emotional times, what helped me most was the ‘insensitivity’ of a close friend whose light-hearted mocking allowed me to laugh at an incident (and a man) that had caused me so much pain. Allowing myself to feel more than just anger at a man who violated me, something that I had never done before, is liberating! So, I want to ask you to think of one thing alone – when dealing with sexual violence, can we allow ourselves to embrace feelings beyond or besides anger, and to accept the complexity of emotions that we face when dealing with any traumatic experience?
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The Journal of Indian Law and Society Blog 
This is an yet another reminder to the fact there is acute sickness in judicial health and it needs the most emergent and intensive treatment. But who is to adminster medicine to the patients, who does not accept their sickness and co-operate with the doctor? If any of such issue is brought to light, similar such patients would join together and they would give the first dose of medicine to the doctor herself to silence her voice. If the voice does not recede, but still raise, the next course would be to cripple her limbs with some other powerful device, so that she does not (dares not) write the prescription. To fight for right and to tackle any injury through lawful means is welcome. But before that to think wise by weighing the outcomes of one’s actions and wait for the time to mature by itself is inevitable. Stella needed to wait only for this reason. Hope her time is ok now. To think feminist of one self is something different from living a feminist ! The limitations or barriers are not self made, but man made. We need more makings from the makers of the other end to break those barriers. Will they hear you? Even if they might be reluctant to hear, it will get into the ears someway and haunt their minds!
Stella,
I am sorry you had to go through that. As a survivor of sexual violence, I can assure you that victims have different ways of dealing with the trauma of a sexual assault. I am sure the same logic also applies to sexual assault of a non-physical kind–you can feel angry, you can feel guilty, you can feel disgusted, amused, upset, disappointed. No one can take your agency or your reaction away from you.
I am upset though, that you would essentialise feminists this way. I really don’t think it’s a you-are-with-us-or-you-are-against-us movement. For me, I find a lot of closure in reading feminist writings that told me it was okay to not respond, to take time to heal, to recognise I had been wronged. There is no “standard” right reaction, and it is unfair to say that feminist theory does not recognise this. Feminism is not a monolith–Catherine Mackinnon is feminist, so is Ellen Willis. Both of them are opposite ends of the spectrum in their views on sex/pornography but are still united somewhere in the basic beliefs that women should have equal opportunity, and should not HAVE to face the sort of situation that you faced last December.
No one has the right to force you to take action against the perpetrator. As long as you are not denying his culpability (it doesn’t seem like you are) or trivialising the wrong that he committed or defending him (all of these reactions would mean that with this public expression, you open the floor for dissent), no one has the right to compel you to do anything. If people are judgmental after that, it’s not because they are feminist, it is because they are judgmental.
In any case, I hope you find your closure.
Stella, you represent thousands of silent students in India who have suffered such sexual perversions from teachers, research guides, bus conductors and elderly passengers almost everyday. I appreciate your courage to write about this though several months after the incident. You could be vociferous only because you are independent and is backed by an NGO. But there are many women still continue under threat from authorities and tolerate all sorts of harassment. This news also point out the suffering of many women lawyers in the bar, chambers and outside for the sake of their career. Kudos to you for coming out now. Let this be a deterrent for every person who try to gain pleasure out of abusing hapless women. May be, as I wrote earlier in the blog Cyber Diary, there should be a therapeutic approach to make a change in such perverted minds.
The very notion that a woman out at work might fall for the passes made at her by some creep is ludicrous. What fools such men make of themselves… odious fools!!!
At the outset, I empathise with Stella or any woman in that situation. However, this blog raises several legal issues and puts the entire judicial process of India under scrutiny. Without naming the Judge who no one else has an inkling of, this blog becomes merely sensational. Secondly, let’s assume the Judge is named. Can India’s judiciary prosecute only on an allegation? Please, not this case, ANY case? This leads to another problem with India . An allegation becomes an indictment automatically in today social media world. In court, it comes down to “He Said” Vs “”She Said”.. Then there is the issue of slander and libel. I have read that the Supreme Court of India has determined that if a woman cries “rape” then it HAS TO BE TRUE because in Indian culture a woman will not make a claim like that unless it is true!!! Really ??? So what about the minor processes like “burden of proof?’. and lowers the bar for women??? Certainly an event that Stella alludes to may have happened and India’s problem is not that India lack laws, In Fact India has too many, but the real issue is India Judiciary lacks a prosecutorial framework and cannot interpret laws in the first place.
At the risk of being vilified by the agitated crowds here, may I propose that the article loses its veracity at the tantalization provided by the mention of “a retired SC Judge.” Without that chair in the arena of discussion, the article generates empathy. With it, Harshad Mehta’s “someone in the PMO” comes to mind. Nirbhaya taught us to be direct and simple in feeling outraged by sexual violence and to be be so angry at tormentors as to ask for death penalty for them. Sitting on the fence is pointless.
Your blog starts with Gandhiji’s statement. But you forgot, Just remembering statements doesn’t mean anything
until you understand its context and depth. Experience is of no use unless its accompanied with learnings.
Your “Silence” experience in this case adds no value to a common woman whom you are addressing this.
As 80% of women already know how to be silent for such incidents.
You look more of a emotional or over mature woman. Your NO action led this case no where. Is this what you want to share ?
A timely whistle blowing could have been more fruitful. No matter if you would have failed.
But here you have surrendered with out even giving a try or attempt to fight back.
There is no use of your legal studies if your objective is not to change your mindset or help people.
“The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself.”
you should fight it out..the whole country is with you!! We support you. The judge should face the music!! You will be inspiration for fighting it out.
Dear Miss James,
I find it admirable that you took the courage to write this article. Unlike most of the other bloggers, I am not going to urge you to file a complaint or call out the retired judge in public and demand an apology or anything of the sort. You are the one who has endured this hardship and after studying 5 years of law, one can hardly expect you not to know the procedures for getting the suspect to court. You have stated your stance on the matter quite clearly in this beautifully written heart-opening article( you mentioned no confusion or fear of exposure of identity in case of the exposure the judge) and in my opinion, everyone should respect your view and the actions you want to take. Of course, if you were to summon the courage and find a way to expose him( you mentioned that there were no witnesses and none of the previous victims would support your claim), I would be entirely supportive of your actions. I am simply writing to tell you this, you, as a conscientious educated, modern-thinking women of today’s day are the best judge of what you should and are feeling and that you should not torment yourself with guilt because other people, who have not experienced what you have, are telling you what you should or should not feel. Do not get weighed down by societal pressure, do what you think is best and trust your own feelings. If you feel you did the right thing, then you did. Do not worry about the others. They can never completely know your reasons, and in a case like this, there is always bound to be controversy. No one can tell you how to behave, because you are the sole master of your mind and body.
This is not to take away from the merits of your case, or belittle what happened to you, if it did indeed. But Stella, I wish you had been more circumspect before writing this blog. These are some very serious allegations that you’re making. By choosing to blog about it in a careless manner, you have undermined the entire institution that is the Indian Supreme Court. I say “careless manner” because on the one hand, you claim no ill will or desire to ruin the life’s work of this man, but on the other, you have given away enough clues for anyone to make an educated guess about who the person in question is. Also, in your interview with Legally India, you’ve pointed fingers at other judges and senior lawyers too! The entire Supreme Court is abuzz with this absolutely informal and ill chosen method of grievance redressal. Your point would have been far more effectively driven home had you chosen to tackle the issue head on and been forthright about it to the appropriate authority. Or maybe you weren’t aware of the consequences of a blog where you were merely airing your feelings about a public figure? Although thats a little hard to digest.
Perhaps this didn’t occur to you but exercising your right to expression can have unintended consequences. There is already a lot of discrimination against women at the Supreme Court and in my opinion, crying wolf without some solid evidence to back it up, will only make things worse. So, for your sake and for all the other women in the legal profession and in courts across the country, I hope your claims will pass the tests they are going to be put through by the formal investigation that will shortly commence.
so what do you expect from her…suffocate within her …till her last breath. do you love suffocation….keeping bad memory within yourself…not sharing with others.
“I hope your claims will pass the tests they are going to be put through by the formal investigation that will shortly commence.”- The intent appears more of scaring her rather than comforting or guiding her.
It takes courage to forgive the man, who caused the humiliation & violation of your body,mind & soul. It takes courage to answer the call of your conscience, I am a man & i am sorry & ashamed one of us could cause the trauma that you are struggling with. That you have embarked on a journey, to ensure that there are no more victims, you must stay the course, irrespective of all the din that is bound to ensue. I support & salute you. You will certainly be in my prayers.
absolutely
Are you kidding me? You have no right to write all the bullshit above. How shameful is that we have such cowardly people daring to blackmail this way! Our institutions needs to be clean. Our people have right to talk whatever they want when troubled. Humanity is not dead yet. No institution is bigger when corrupt.
ur response is shameful..if ur a lady more… Stella is absolutely right… A frnd of mine had undergone similar experience during her management internship… Her story is almost similar and like Stella , she in confusion and scared continued the internship for a week or so…. not to jepordise her career and academic record and her image in college… I SUPPORT STELLA !!
Do care to elaborate on the nature of the “solid evidence” you are demanding from her.
Social media is exactly the place to express her grievances so that we get to know what is happening and are able to support her. Had she gone to the “appropriate authority” they would have shoved the issue under the carpet and silenced her.
Hi Ketaki,
There is plenty wrong with the country and these kind of responses are the last thing we, as a nation need. It is possibly one of the few times where a certain incident has been reported without any ill-will or politicization. It is also one of the few times when the author has adopted a non-accusatory and reflective voice. To find criticism of such a response by placing the experience of a young, talented woman in a paradigm of ‘institutional integrity’ is a simple table-turner that does not address the issue. And that is what you do. As a nation, we don’t need to hear another female lawyer’s perspective (presumably you are a lawyer) on institutional integrity in the context of a woman’s traumatic experience. To be fair though, these are simply some observations on what the country needs and does not, and does not directly relate to what I have to say to you.
What I do have to say to you, and feel compelled to do so is that you seem to have somehow arrogated upon yourself the privileged role of a spokesperson for the Court.
What I believe Stella wished to say was that her experience demonstrates/indicates a failing of a systematic, societal perception; the feminist paradigm; She believes that there is no adequate framework within which such an affected person can place her/his experience. What I find problematic with your manner of thinking is how you strip the incident of all human values and empathy and place your ideas in a purely utilitarian perspective. I find it deeply troubling that you, despite being privy to the grand tradition of our Constitutional ideals, find greater disutility in speaking out against an institution than a utility in it. You seem to believe that if one has a serious allegation to make, one ought to pragmatically evaluate the chances of a favorable outcome prior to making those allegations. To quote you, “So, for your sake and for all the other women in the legal profession and in courts across the country, I hope your claims will pass the tests they are going to be put through by the formal investigation that will shortly commence.” To go into a fight knowing that you will win, is not to go into a fight. Rather, it is to engage in the act of bullying. The symbol of the judiciary has been for a long time, and continues to be a blindfolded lady holding a pair of scales. The symbol is indicative that the judge knows neither the might or poverty of the accused or accuser.
The idea of free speech is befittingly placed in one famous sentence by Voltaire; ‘I may not agree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it’.
Well, that is simply to put to rest your idea that one should not speak out if the target is a reputed person and your allegations are ‘serious’. Incidentally, the allegations are ‘serious’ because of the impact they have on the victim and not the perpetrator. You seem to think that the ‘seriousness’ stems from the position of the accused or the nature of the offense. To correct you, we as a society, deem such ‘offences’ serious because of the trauma it can inflict on the victim, notwithstanding the adverse psychological impact it can have on the general sense of peace and security within a society.
That being said, I also want to say that to claim that a simple reflective piece of literature (and I call it that because it places one person’s experiences in the context of a broader, sociological problem) has somehow ‘undermined the entire Institution that is the Supreme Court’ is, an exercise in irrationality. You see, the contestants in this adversarial paradigm are heavily imbalanced; one is an institution that has proved its mettle for integrity, honesty and justice. That is why it is called the Court of last resort. To erode the halo of a high moral ground that the Supreme Court earned with over 6 decades of tireless service is simply put, not a walk in the park.
I cannot be a judge of how big an impact this blog post will have on the existing gender inequalities plaguing the legal profession. I cannot further, unlike you, claim to be an adequate judge of the impact of this blog post on the ‘institutional integrity’ of the Indian Supreme Court. As a fellow lawyer from the same institution, I urge you however, not to appear as a spokesperson for a fine institution if your perspectives are at absolute odds with that institution and the Constitution it rests upon. Ironically, I wish you had been a bit more circumspect before responding in this manner.
I hold no ill-will or resentment to your ideas and you’re as free to speak as Stella is. However, I hope your words the next time around would be “So, for your sake and all the other women in the legal profession, I hope the judicial process will be fair and you will find justice. If you do, it will be a victory for both the Court’s integrity and women. If they don’t find your claims valid, I salute you for your courage and hope that our right to free speech is respected, and not merely on paper. I hope they don’t hold it against you and make your life difficult through legally permissible methods.”
Hi Shreyas,
By your logic, you seem to have designated yourself as the spokesperson for the entire nation since you have, at multiple places, pointed out what the nation “needs” or doesn’t need. I have, on the other hand, merely expressed my views and for the sake of clarity, I reiterate that they are mine alone.
I speak of the “seriousness” of the allegations because of the impact they will have both on the victim and the perpetrator. Sadly, the issue has already been politicized as is bound to happen when someone points a finger at any public figure in the country. And it doesn’t matter whether the person is right or wrong. Take a look at the numerous responses. People have already judged the alleged perpetrator as guilty. And I do have great regard for the due process of law and the right to to an adequate hearing. I am saddened that people have rushed to declare guilt without giving the other party a chance to be heard.
It appears that you, not I, are at odds with our constitutional values since you have presumed to dictate what my words should have been or should be in the future. Maybe you should re-read that Voltaire quotation.
I understand and respect your views. I just disagree with them.
As for the politicization of the issue as it stands, I believe that that is a part and parcel of occupying a position in public office as the person concerned is representative of the public. I am in complete agreement with you on the adverse impact it can have on everyone concerned. However, I don’t believe that the possibility of politicization and presumed guilt warrants a silencing of the issue by the affected person.
And to that end, I don’t agree with you when you say that “It does not matter if the person is right or wrong.” In fact, I think it matters enormously. There is a very understandable discomfort in probing the truth of these issues. But then again, truth is above all, right ? At least we agreed to that in our Constitution.
I am as saddened as you are on the politicization and premature conclusions. But I don’t get how you picked the wrong target for your redressal. The people making premature conclusions are those people, the commenters (such as you and I). Not the author of this blog.
And of course those views are yours alone, and I’m glad you’re the only one with those views. I merely found it disturbing to read your take and so, exchanged notes. Please don’t take it personally. Clearly, we can agree to disagree and move on with our lives.
This is really thought-provoking, and gives me insight into the mind of a person who has gone through such an experience and it is something I never really had (being a man). You have immense courage and a really strong mind to not only withstand it but also talk about it and have a clear perspective.
As you say, this is a supposedly unacceptable situation but the society has very much trained us to compromise with injustice. Taking a stand is mostly taken as a futile attempt and a sure way of losing respect in the eyes of everyone around. Much more so with women than with men.
However, I see hope when I see brave souls like, come out and speak about it, trust me, it is a big deal. It is the change that India needs. Anger can come later. What must come first is the understanding of wrong from right with the clarity of a crystal. And Stella, you are among the first rays of light through this crystal.
Thank you and all the other brave women who strive each day to create an identity of their own. In every meaning of the word, you are “Saving” the country from itself.
*brave souls like you
It is really shocking for the simple reason that a SC judge has done such kind of shameless act. It is sure that you were not the first girl to be assaulted by him, he must have done this to many many girls . You should fight it out by naming that man. That is my view although I fully understand that you have absolute right to react the way you wish is correct.
Dear Stella,
You are entitled to your reaction and noone can take that from you. Having witnessed such incidents in our profession I at one time also felt I should write about it but did not have the beautiful words to express the way you have. Perhaps your only intent was to write a short piece of your experience and how you dealt with it. And I think I would’ve done the same. Time does heal everything and I hope you got the closure you needed. India is not ready for change in any mindset let alone reading a blog as it is, instead of belittling it. Everything that is written does not need a purpose and every reaction to something like this cannot be accounted for. Its surprising how harsh people can be. Do keep writing. I found a lot of truth and resemblance in what you have said with things I have experienced and seen. Good luck to the inevitable political exercise you will be put through. People are already judging you. As you can see people think they know everything, whats right, whats wrong and if you don’t react the way they want you to, then well its best to discredit you. I think sometimes people forget how young you are and yet you have shown such maturity and courage. Sometimes the only thing that makes sense is to retrospect and write. So keep it up!
Miss. James I can understand your agony and overwhelming sadness. As per record number of judicial officers suspended for sexual harrasment with servant maid and junior female advocates.of course Judge also human being.in olden days judicial officers were not allowed any body including lawyer into their chambers,except invitation.presently every Tom dick and Harry allowed to chambers and it causes for corruption and sexual abuses. I agree in your case no physical abuse,because who is old man.i think he might be sexual maniac.you delayed to focus the issue and no evidence in your case. Certainly he will be escape under the eye of law.you must reveal the name to prevent risk to others.you know highest sexual violence in South Africa.every 26 seconds one rape in Cape Town.the cause is male domination. we are slightly better.so woman must be careful .in your case take steps under law and teach lesson to the culpript without any hesitation.culpript is a judge ,so your issue become popular.if the culpript a poor man there is no big issue . Female has no privacy,and protection. You are well educated and intellectual and hesitating by showing sympathy against old man. You must fight for giving courageous to youth to prevent .its shame to judiciary. I will join hand with you and I will give legal support if you required.
This is only to bring a different perspective to the issue ( a male perspective, if you insist). You can probably admit that there could be a spectrum of perceptions on what is sexual harassment and what is not and you alone are the judge of what is good for you and what is not. Some actions, words or gestures are such that they leave no doubt when the person on the receiving end is an unwilling participant and there are others that are merely undesirable, irritating and still others that are perceived by many as complimentary and flattering depending on the context or the cultural milieu of the participants. In a society used to suppressing natural feelings or at least public display of anything remotely sexual but at the same time permitting certain aspects of behavior or attire as a proxy for courting or preening, not everything is unambiguous. Changing social mores have made such behavior increasingly acceptable, but in general hypocrisy reigns supreme in the form of unwarranted prudery. Without prejudice to your stand in the matter, and particularly since there was a vast difference in ages and hierarchical stature, this particular situation could probably have been defused by resorting to a tactful rebuff or a playful appeal to his better self as the circumstances demand. In retrospect do you think a sincere apology would have been forthcoming if you had acted thus? Recognition of the individual as mere flesh and blood cloaked in black robes could also help in overcoming your trauma. No guarantee of course of succeeding when you have to confront a determined and reckless repeat offender.
The solution comes with the understanding that, short of making exploratory moves that enables to identify a reciprocating response, any interaction whether in words or gestures, should not impose on another’s will. An understanding that will serve to bring in civic virtue and avoid undesirable behavior of all types that impinge on the rights and privacy of individuals.
I do hope that you find the strength and the courage to divulge details of the incident and the identity of the judge before the committee constituted by the SC. A lot of women take the safe route of keeping quiet for the sake of their careers resulting from the fear of being potentially perceived as the troublemaker ( and I do not judge them for that but it’s more of a systemic failure), but I think, your NGO employer is supportive, so all the very best. There is no need to back out any further, and the matter is already high-profile, so it’s important now to tap your inner strength and come out with the facts.
And such a sensitive, well-written piece – I could immediately relate to it, not because I have ever been sexually harassed at the workplace, but because such has been the extent of conditioning, that non-physically injurious instances of sexual harassment on the road or such like has only made me feel humiliated and sad, but not necessarily angry.
It is not the isolated incident and accross the country, in many Courts, higher or lower, sexual harassment takes place but not everything comes in open. Persons occupying high positions tend to become lonely and rather sex starved and they try to lay their hands on easy prey in close vicinity of their position. The thing is to change the mindset and handle pervertness.
A sane piece of advice from ’emmurali’,with regard to options of tactful rebuff. Perhaps her decision to go public was guided by her knowledge of this same gentleman indulging in similar behaviour with others like her. Notwithstanding the right/wrong queston,she may have let it drop,but for the fact that she felt he was a determined and reckless repeat offender.
Instances of moral turpitude are coming out.The most recent one a year back was that of a prominent spokesperson of a political party, receiving ‘favours’,ostensibly to influence the appointment of the favour giver as a Judge.It’s high time we had a professional Indian Judicial Service,in the lines of IAS etc,like they have in France.Few weeks back we had an Addnl CJM who refused to record the testimony of a witness/accused in the Solar Scam in Kerala,that she had been sexually used/abused by a few prominent persons.High Court Vigilance Registrar has released a report today that implicates this Addnl CJM. Now,will the CJ of Kerala High Court act and
throw this ACJM out ? Interested Indians can wait and watch.Since this is a legal community blog,I am sure most of the people here know the answer.
its a SHAME ON INDIA AND INDIANS!! Sad Day!
Stella,
Hang in there!! We are with you. I agree with the last paragraph of yours completely. Not being faced with a situation similar to yours, I can only partially understand how you feel after re-reading the blog a few times. However, it beats me how you did not even feel like battling the man who did something so atrocious and left you broken. You never wanted to try and fight. Did you presume that there is no way you could win? I guess you respected the man so much that you could not have any ill-feelings towards him and digest the fact that he could stoop so low. But the insult of being sexually harassed stayed with you, which was the reason for your overwhelming sadness added up to the fact that you did not want to blame the culprit. You had neutral feelings towards him. Sometimes when there is too much complexity and confusion, the mind just shuts away all emotions and you become callous. But, a part of you wanted people to know about the injustice and your inner turmoil and so you have decided to write it here.
If you are worried about how you will face him in the court or meet his eyes, DON’T BE. And I know there must be a lot of pressure on you from the family and the supreme court officials. We are all watching, if anyone tries to undermine you, I will be right next to you holding your hand, within 24 hours. Be bold. Fear not. They know that you have the attention and they can’t touch you without harming themselves.
Dear Sister – You have taken the courage to come out and tell the world – or warn the world. I think you are wise enough to decide whether to name the judge in public, whether to follow up through law. But even the mere fact that you spoke out has a positive effect on the society – more girls getting assaulted can feel courageous to report and more of these criminals cannot assume silence will cover their faults. Keep fighting the way you choose and the nation still has a lot of good people to stand by you. It is a shame on us – your brothers – who tie a rakhi on your wrist and fail to protect you.
Raise you voice and fight for right thing. …ab bahot hua….mat saho aise cheeze…
Theory is never – and is not supposed to be – adequate to the singularity of experience. Political projects – in their attempt to make *common* cause – invariably involve highlighting certain sides of experience while relegating others to the background.
So I don’t quite understand why you have chosen to attack an under-specified “feminism” in your blog post.
No doubt though that what you have had to go through is reprehensible and you are very courageous for articulating all the complex, conflicting thoughts and emotions associated with the experience.
Stella. This was not an easy piece for you to write. That it took as long as it did to surface is clearly the outcome of much thought, some angst, reflection and candidness. Indeed it is “experience” and experience alone that gives character, flesh and realness to the laws we ourselves have advocated for and against. Your sharing of the conflicted reality that so many women agonise over every day, everywhere, when it comes to workplace sexual harassment – self-doubt, conditioned responses, denial, excusing an offender, and a systemic silence which thrives on the false pretext that workplace sexual harassment is “just the way things are” are both accurate and insightful.
We eclipse the impact of sexually offensive experiences in the language of compromise, one which overlooks the offensive nature of inappropriate behaviour. And by default we give the benefit of doubt to the other person’s career, age, status and prominence, all at the cost of our own experienced truth. Offenders thrive on our conditioning- our sense of moral discomfort, the hesitating way in which we approach all things sexual and most importantly, on our silence. Yet your experience surfaced in the midst of a milestone event- December 16th, where one woman, against all odds, told her story from an ICU bed- reminding us that silence is not an option. You have reaffirmed that contemporary thought- silence truly is no longer an option. The greatest adversary against realising our fundamental right to equality and dignity in our everyday spaces, including workplaces, is the passive bystander. Through their silence, bystanders become complicit in sustaining a complacent status quo. When we, whether as witnesses or those who have experienced similar workplace sexual harassment, speak up, we promote the belief that our workplace ought to be a place which allows us to excel, to grow and uniquely as lawyers, to enable others.
Already an army of myths, stereotypes and assumptions about you and your blog, is marching in tandem with your revelations eager to deter you and bring you back in line with the way things are. The same was true when Anita Hill, an American attorney who at the age of 32 charged a US Supreme Court Judge nominee, Clarence Thomas of making sexual harassing statements when he was her supervisor in the US Department of Education. He still got appointed to the US Supreme Court bench, but Hill’s testimony launched new public awareness about workplace sexual harassment. Draw strength from that. I do not know what will be the outcome of your own experience in legal terms, but I do know one thing. Down the road, you will be able to enter the classroom of the next generation and tell them about what you did do, not what you didn’t.
Dear Stella, if your allegations are true (which I hope they are), then I salute you for the manner in which you have responded!!! Its the best possible thing anyone (in your place) could have done and your actions will serve a much bigger blow to the rampant malaise than say, what a hasty/ reactionary response would have. I do not know if this happened by purposeful design or plain randomness but your name will find glowing mention in the relevant jurisprudence for many years to come. MORE POWER TO YOU!!!
“While the incident affected me deeply, I felt little anger and almost no rancour towards the man; instead I was shocked and hurt that someone I respected so much would do something like this. My strongest reaction really, was overwhelming sadness. But this sort of response was new to me. That I could understand his actions and forgive him for them, or that I could continue to think of him as an essentially ‘good’ person, seemed a naïve position that were completely at odds with what I had come to accept was the “right” reaction to such incidents…”
I perhaps understand these feelings that you share. I think – to be able to understand, to be able to forgive and move on in life without anger, shame or feeling of humiliation – requires a lot of power within oneself – self confidence, courage that perhaps many of us don’t have. Perhaps – that is why this is not considered to be the ‘right’ reaction to such incidents.
I have been reading the reactions to your blog and interview – it seems a special committee is being set up to investigate this case. I am wondering about your reactions to all these developments…did you anticipate this?
Don’t feel pity towards this jerk, and don’t worry about ruining his life’s work by reporting him… he has done this to others, too. Using a position of authority to take advantage of innocent girls is not something to be taken lightly. We expect more moral uprightness in a judge… please don’t let him off lightly. He needs to pay a price for his actions, and so do countless others in positions of authority, who think nothing before harming and taking advantage of helpless people. Thank you for speaking up. And, please continue to do so! Proud of you.
it”s really sad that you went through such an incident.But i am really surprised to read that you don’t want to fight against that person ,being a lawyer you know the legal remedies availaible .on the other hand let the truth come out .
You say that “As mentioned earlier, I bore, and still bear, no real ill-will towards the man, and had no desire to put his life’s work and reputation in question. ” My question is WHY ? Why must one be forgiving here. Why you must not feel that not only he should pay for all that he has done but his punishment should act as a deterrent for his ilk as well.
Its really sad and shame for all Indians especially from the side of highly reputed persons. Still I can’t understand why there is no effective remedies are not in place in a country like India where the world’s power lady is the final word of the government.
Dear Stella,
You are a lawyer and brave girl. You know well about law and keep faith on it. Why not you are opting legal action against the culprit? It will give a message to law and justice keepers that they are not all powered and they can also be prosecuted. It will set an example as well for other girls and justice keepers. Please come forward.
Gandhi once said that we have to fight against evil and not the evil doer. In your case, this must be the case, you don’t have to bother about the legal reputation of the retired Judge; nor about the position he held as an SC Judge. I can understand your hesitation and doubts you carry in your mind in challenging people in high positions and Judges held in high esteem. Actually this is a failure of our entire institutions. Most of the Indian institutions fail to check abuse – whether they are verbal, physical or sexual. In fact most of our institutions are having their own unique way of showing their places to juniors through continuous intimidation and harassment. They in turn return the same treatment to the juniors to follow. But it is good that you decided to speak out. It is greatly relieving; whatever may be the consequences. As Christ said, “truth shall make you free.”
I think we should. We should be able to accept our feelings and need not take sides with a group. Mankind likes to set reactions for everything as a ‘correct reaction’. We like standards.. For everything. But even though we live in a society which sets these standards we have urself to own up to… And that is the ultimate authority. I can relate to you if u still respect the man for his other qualities and still think of him in good light. I would just like to say that the feminist movement is an reaction to extreme harm/ violations of women., hence the reaction/ movement is extreme too… It should not/ need not be applicable in cases of lesser intensity.. If you can overcome harm to you by laughing at it, you might as well.. I mean don’t we do the same when met with an accident? 🙂
No remands, just file the case. Hang him with courts permission without any time-lag , only option left to survive females now a days
Dear Stella,
You have narrated the ground reality and it unveils the failure of the system. When you start moving against the ‘BIG Man’, things may change and you may again get experienced with mental torture. It is a sad truth that in the prevailing system here , it is almost impossible for a “small” to fight against “big” legally. So please prepare a plan cautiously and patiently . Try to become stronger and bigger in the system . I dont think a large scale media exposure can help you in a long run. I have seen reports in the media saying that the victims are being ‘assulted’ in the courts by lawyers with detailed questiones, reminding them of what they do not want to remember. So please be prepared . Assure the suppport of Family , friends and relatives in your fight.
Again, it is easy to play with comments but certainly it would be a great relief for you.
With mind, I stand with you.
Certainly a time will come and the ‘big’ would pay , in one way or other. Let us trust the theory of Karma.
Wishing you the very best.
Not every women will be able to respond in a manner that you chose. You should bring out that person to public. It is not just for breaking his ‘kingdom’…. atleast this will be a warning to other ‘Wolf’s in sheep’s clothing’..
Stella, I salute your courage in penning down your thoughts. This was an extremely powerful piece written very well and has left a lasting impression.
Your last sentence: “when dealing with sexual violence, can we allow ourselves to embrace feelings beyond or besides anger, and to accept the complexity of emotions that we face when dealing with any traumatic experience?”, is perhaps one of the most thought provoking ones I have ever read anywhere and is something which perhaps quite a few of the people who left comments to this post did not address at all.
I sincerely wish you all the best for the future.
Reblogged this on rgupta30.